Wednesday, March 19, 2008

On Being Responsible (and Cravings for Pie)

Recently, I've become bored with not eating sugar. It has gotten easier, now that I am in my 3rd month. There are so many alternatives to sugar that I don't feel like I'm missing anything (except donuts.....I love donuts so much. I dream about them. I want to feel that greasy, crusty outside as I bite into the chewy middle. If I ever decide to go without sugar forever, the one exception I may allow myself might be donuts-or one donut a year, or one donut a month.....).

Even though going without sugar has lost its climactic fervor, there are still challenges. Reading labels is key, obviously, and sometimes I just don't want to read a label! Sometimes it's because I know what I will read, and other times I just don't want to feel discouraged. All of this is forcing me to eat healthier and to eat less packaged foods in general. Jeff has challenged me to read all labels, regardless. He pointed out, in not so many words, that if I don't read a label, I am not going forth responsibly. Back when my mom was in the hospital was a different story. Reading a label then may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. I could have had a nervous breakdown at any moment. But now, if I consider not reading a label, it is laziness and dishonesty to myself and everyone that I tell, "I am not eating white refined sugar!" So, I have no choice in this matter. It is starting to feel like a little monkey on my back, but at the same time, I want to be able to look back on this experience and know that I did everything possible to refrain from the white stuff.

On a different note, rather than running to the store when I had a snack attack a few days ago, I decided to try baking. It all started one day when I began craving pie. I've never craved it before. I like berry and apple pies, but I never think about eating one unless it is offered for dessert. Well, that all changed not too long ago when I became obsessed thinking about a berry-rhubarb pie. Nothing could satiate my craving. I would sit there enjoying my imagination's rendition of the flakiest crust and tart rhubarb countered by sweet, fresh strawberries. Over and over I pictured this. Jeff found me in Fred Meyer standing over the boxed pies, staring. I must have been in a trance. It was then I realized I had to eat a pie. So, I bought ingredients (frozen rasberries and strawberries, whole wheat flour) and that night I made a berry pie. The crust was not flaky. It was very hard and crunchy. The filling was great, however. I used date sugar in place of white sugar. The only thing I didn't get was the tart sensation. Making the pie took a while so I decided to make whole wheat, grain-sweetened chocolate chip cookies. Those were delicious and gone in two days. However, I have been eating my berry pie every morning for breakfast with my coffee and I couldn't be happier.

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