Friday, February 18, 2011

How I Got Back on the Sweet Crack

It started innocently.

Sick of being so regimented and craving balance, I decided to try dark chocolate, and I don't mean 55% cacao. I'm talking about the 85-90% cacao.

It was wonderful! A square of it here and there, shared with my husband, was the delirium I wanted. To share in the exotic bliss of chocolate, lightly sweetened with sugar.

But one square at each sitting became, "Oh, two squares is okay," which became, "Well since we're sharing it we might as well eat the whole thing," which then became me eating entire bars of chocolate, ALONE.

From there, since I was already selling my soul to the white devil, why did it matter if it was just chocolate? Why not a little taste of an Oreo? After all, after quitting sugar for 3 years surely just one will satisfy.

It did satisfy.

The first time.

The next time I reasoned that if I enjoyed one, why not enjoy two? After all, I'm still totally in control.

I learned that Temptation will tell you anything. ANYTHING. I don't believe Temptation is some spiritual googly monster whispering in our ear. I believe it's basically the "thing" inside of our human nature that always chooses what we most want, with no respect for consequences.

Consequences, ahhhhhh.

Here's where things get interesting.

I had forgotten by this time some of the reasons I initially quit sugar. So upon finishing the most delicious chocolate layer cake I've ever eaten in my life, when I began to panic for no reason, it suddenly occurred to me that in past sugar binges sometimes I would get shaky and panicky.

I loved and hated the reminder. The feeling passed, but then the sugar low began. I couldn't keep my eyes open.

Which reminds me of last weekend when I decided I'd share a bag of Reese's Pieces with Jeff at a movie. I took a handful and the next thing I knew I was lifting my sleepy head off of Jeff's shoulder.

"All it took was a handful of candy!" he whispered to me during The Illusionist.

"What happened?" I asked, confused. I had just been awake watching previews.

"You conked out when you ate these!" he held up the bag of candy and jumped up. I stared at him. The movie was going. He left and came back empty-handed.

"We don't need those. Remember how sleepy you used to get when you ate sugar?" he asked and then we dropped the subject to enjoy the movie.

Panicky, sleepy......

And there's more.

Stay tuned again for another update.

Thanks for reading!


Anne Calista said...

Sugar makes me moody! Your experience is so interesting.

My Year Without said...

Moody....ahhhh, yes. Double yes to that!

Anonymous said...

I have sever food allergies, and recently put corn on the List of Not. Since most of the things that are on the market are on this list, refined sugar and corn syrups were easily added.
I... really don't miss them.
Interesting blog. Think I'll read more of it.