Friday, November 8, 2013

The Sugar Blaaaaaahhhhhs

My stomach's bloated.

I lack motivation.

My butt feels too big.

I'm skipping the gym.

Can't concentrate on homework.

I want to curl up in a blanket and eat donuts and cry.

I wanted a little bit of sugar once in a while. The routine has evolved to epic sugar proportions: I wake up and pour my coffee and gather a handful of cookies to eat with my coffee. Because there is nothing tastier. But nothing squelches motivation like a belly full of sugar rot.

For lunch I will probably eat a giant, colorful salad. Then the sugar craving will kick in and I will hunt around the kitchen for something sweetly satisfying. It almost feels okay because my lunch was so healthy.

One handful of chocolate covered almonds becomes two or three handfuls. Then I get so sleepy I have to nap it off.

When I wake up from napping, I search around for chocolate almond stragglers. Remnants.

I skip dinner because I don't want calories from both a healthy dinner and the inevitable ice cream.

My joints hurt. I have to carefully stretch my back when I get myself off the couch. It's bedtime and yet just one more chocolate beckons me, just one more spoonful of ice cream.

Why am I in this perpetual loop?

I need the angel on my right shoulder, because for now I can only hear the devil on my left.


Emily L. Alleman said...

Ah, such is life. You know, I think we all go through this. One week, we feel super healthy and energized -- working out every day, skipping the post-meal sweets, and drinking gallons of water. The next week, all we want is to binge on chocolate and peanut butter. It's a cycle, and I think the most important thing to realize is that we're never going to be perfect. We will always have cravings and weak moments for as long as we live. But life is not about waiting for our best self, or our healthiest self to magically appear one day and stay forever. It's about dealing with every moment as it comes, knowing that it's okay to win some and lose some.

Eat another scoop of ice cream today, and start again tomorrow.

My Year Without said...

You're not only a fantastic writer, you are incredibly kind to say such things.